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The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: All the Single Ladies

The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles

The adventures and misadventures of a ‘not so average’ Pinay trying to make it in the cosmopolitan city of Dubai.

 

The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: All the Single Ladies

 

Haaayyy… ang buwan ng Hunyo. Panahon na naman ng mga bagyo at baha sa Pilipinas versus umaatikabong tag-init dito sa Dubai. Bukod sa dengue at alipunga, usong uso din ngayon ang kasalan. Yes!!! Ang pag-aasawa… ang paglagay sa tahimik… ang pag-iisang dibdib… Here comes the bride!!!

Bata pa lang ako ay pinaplano ko na ang aking dream wedding. Syempre, miski sinong babae ay nangangarap ng isang Masaya at mala-prinsesang wedding of the year dib a? Minsan ka lang ikakasal kaya dapat super duper bongga ang iyong wedding. Kaya’t tuwing may mapapanood akong pelikula, mabababasang magazine at makikitang pictures ay nagkakaroon ako ng mga bongang-bongang ideas for my special D Day.

Let me share with you this very special part of my life: my wedding plans. Ito ay pinag-isipan, pinag-konseptuhan, pinag-ilusyunan at pinag-sikapan kong matupad at mabuo over the years. Dizzizit!

 

Plan A – Showbiz Dream Wedding

Kung mapapangasawa ko ay isang tiga-showbiz – kesehodang artista, extra o miski cameraman man lang? Kailangan truth to the theme ang aking wedding. Dapat kasing kulang at kasing-ingay ng showbiz ang dating – mala-karnabal!!! Ang venue: either sa Araneta Coliseum (kung indoor) or sa Quirino Grandstand (kung outdoors at walang schedule ng samba ang El Shaddai).

Ang mga Ninong: Gaby Lopez of ABS CBN, Atty. Felipe Gozon of GMA 7, Vic del Rosario (of Viva Films), Tony Tuveira of TAPE, Inc. (producer ng Eat Bulaga), German Moreno, Boy Abunda, Tito,Vic & Joey at Willie Revillame (Wowoowee)!!! Ang mga Ninang: Susan Roses, Charo Santos, Vilma Santos, Mother Lily Monteverde, Ricky Reyes, Vicky Belo, Lolit Solis, at ang Megastar Sharon Cuneta. Kaya mo yaaaaaaannnn???!!!

Ang Bestman: Manny Pacquiao: Maid of Honor: Kris Aquino and Bridesmaids: Bebe Gandanghari, Marian Rivera, at Sarah Geronimo. Wedding Singers sina Ogie Alcasid at Regine Velasquez sa ceremony (O dib a mala-Marimar?) at sina Gary Valenciano at Pops Fernandez kasama ang Maneouvers at Hotlegs sa reception.  Taraaaaayyy!!!

Si Michael Cinco ang gagawa ng aking wedding gown. Parehong may media coverage ang ABS CBN at GMA 7 para walang away.

 

 

 

Plan B – Coño Beach Romance

Mula sa sobrang bonggang pangarap ay medyo simple yet special naman itong next plan. Pero stylish at shumo-showbiz pa rin. Invited mostly are socialites and lifestyle celebrities. Kaya dapat isang Makati executive ang maging groom ko dito. Inspired by Nora Aunor and Christopher de Leon’s wedding nuong 70s. Ang venue: sa Breakwaters ng CCP para malapit lang pero kung sakali mang umulan, sa Valkyrie sa The Fort para sosi pa rin.

Ang mga Ninong: Jaime Zobel de Ayala, Manny Pangilinan, Tony Boy Cojuanco, Louie Ysmael and Maurice Arcache. Mga Ninang naman sina Tingting Cojuanco, Mary Prieto, Tessa Prieto Valdes, Kitty Go and Cecile Zamora Van Straten. Sosyal!

Bestman si Tim Yap at Maid of Honor naman si Gretchen Barreto. Bridesmaids naman sina Celine Lopez at Sam Oh. Aba’y ang buong Gucci Gang! Si Rajo Laurel ang wedding gown designer at ang catering naman ay courtesy of Margarita Fores. Panalo di ba?

Tugtog ang Bolipata Brothers sa ceremony at reception. Special moments of the wedding will be featured on the Lifestyle pages of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, the Philippines Tatler and People Asia Magazine. O-M-G!!!

 

The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: All the Single Ladies

 

Plan C – Illustrado Filipiniana Wedding

Eto naman ay may pinaka-nationalistic kaya politics ang drama at theme this time. Siyempre glamourous at fabulous pa rin since the biggest names in Philippine politics ang magiging groom ko, weather senator sya, congressman or baranggay tanod.

The wedding venue will be at Luneta, with the monument of our national Hero Jose Rizal as the backdrop. Kung uulan, alternative venue ang Malacañang Palace. Itodo na natin di ba? Ang mga Ninong: ex-President Erap Estrada, ex-President Fidel Ramos, Manny Villar, Mar Roxas, Senator Panfilo Lacson at Senator Kiko Pangilinan at mga Ninang naman sina: ex-President GMA, Former First Lady Imelda Marcos, Loren Legarda, Korina Sanchez, Sharon Cuneta. Bestman is Chiz Escudero ant Bridesmaid naman sina Aiko Melendez at KC Conception.

Sina Patis Tesoro, Ben Farrales at Pitoy Moreno ay magsasanib-pwersa para mag-design ng aking purely Filipiniana wedding gown. Music will be provided by the Philippine Madrigal Singers during the ceremony at the APO Hiking Society back-to-back with Salbakuta with special performances by the Philippine Bayanihan Dance Troupe naman during reception. Ang saya saya di ba? Syempre, may special coverage din ang wedding segments ng mga News Programs like TV Patrol at Saksi.

Sa lahat ng kasal ko, Plan A to C, imbitado syempre ang aking mga relatives, former officemates at ang buong barangay ng aming probinsiya, lalong lalo na ang mga ex-boyfriends ko, mga dati kong crushes at mga current partners nila.  Pati na rin sa mga nag-reject ng invitation ko sa Friendster at Facebook noon. Etong sa inyo!!!

 

Plan D-OFW Reality Check Wedding

Eto naman kalian ko lang nai-sama sa listahan ko. Sakali mang hindi palarin sa pangarap sa bahay, and medyo close to home, ika nga nila. Kapag isang dakilang OFW ang itatadhana sa aking kapalaran… isang mas simple ngunit astig na dream wedding pa rin, siyempre. Kung sakali mang itadhana ni Lord na bagong bayani ang aking maging better half – maging Dry Docker man or seaman sya.

The venue will be at the POEA Main office at Ortigas Avenue. Originally I was thinking of having the ceremony and the reception at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport kaya lang for sure sandamakmak na permits at red tape pa ang involved kawawa naman ang wedding planners.

Ang mga Ninong at Ninang: sina Department of Foreign Affairs Secretary Cayetano, DOLE Secretary Silvestre Bello III, UAE Ambassador, His Excellency Constancio Vingno Jr. and wife Yoko Ramos. Bestman ang bestfriend ng groom ko, kung sino man sya; Maid of Honor ang landlady kong si Ate Lorns at Bridesmaids ang mga BFF kong sina Daisy, Ruby at Nerie.

Chowking at Golden Fork ang caterer sa reception, with performances by Gary Granada and Bayang Barrios. Ifi-feature sa TFC “Balitang Global” ang buong wedding from conceptualization up to the actual day mala-Juday & Ryan…o di ba? Inspired?

Ayan ha? As you can see, napaka-flexible ng dream wedding plans ko – para swak sa panlasa ng Pinoy – may matamis, maanghang, maasim, maalat…san ka pa? One thing remains for sure: ako at ako lamang ang star kapag araw ng kasal ko. Dapat lang naman di ba? Once in a full moon in a million lang ito mangyayari so I should make out the most out of each. Carpet Diem!

 

The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: All the Single Ladies

 

Since pagkabata pa, everytime someone would asks me. “What is your dream life?” I would always say, “to be a simple and plain housewife.” As in! Ngayon na modify na – to be plain and simple Jumeirah Jane”. Yun bang, gigising ako ng alas-otso ng umaga, syempre hand na ang breakfast courtesy ng mga yayas – oo, plural – kasi hindi lang isa o dalawa ang aking household help kundi mga apat excluding the family driver. Me and my porengjer husband, who is an overpaid CEO or bigshot of multinational company, will wake up together, dedma ma-late sya kasi sya naman ang bossing. Then we will have breakfast with the kids na susunduin ng kanilang school bus, they will kiss me as I hand them their lunch box and wave goodbye to them. Then my husband will go to work na. So magsisimula na ang buhay ko….

I will then go to the gym, spend an hour there, then meet up with my fellow Jumierah Jane amigas for some brunch – siguro sa Lime Tree Café, kasi laging puno ng turista sa Paul’s eh – mag-chichismisan kami for about 2 hours and then sabay sabay kaming magpupunta sa salon or spa in some 5-star hotel for some relaxation or beauty treatment. Then pag makaka-mukha na kami, we part ways, fly na ako sa mall for some shopping. A new Louis Vuitton bag, or a Chloe dress, or L’Occitane’s lates skin care products, or anything new from The One – miski kandila man o tissue paper – oh, potpourri! Kasi may hubby smokes those disgusting cigars eh….

Then I’ll drop by Spinneys in Umm Sequiem to buy some fresh flowers, veggies and fruits – organics of course, the lates issue of Ahlan! Magazine. Tapos magka-kape ako sa Starbucks while scanning the pages of the society magazine that I bought to check if they published my picture from last weekend’s social event. Then I’m done for the day na – ayos na ako sa sarili ko. Now back to family time naman. Syempre pag-uwi ko to my sprawling 5-bedroom villa with swimming pool and garden, tapos nang gumawa ng homework ang mga kids – thanks to their college graduates yayas – at malapit ng maluto ng dinner. I still have time to catch my favorite TV show until my husband arrives from the office and we all have dinner together with the kids as one big happy family. Aaawww….ang ganda di ba?

Kung Jumeirah Jane ka. Eh pano kung hinde?

Gigising ka ng alas-singko ng umaga to prepare breakfast and baon for your kids. Alas-siete dadating na ang school bus nila at dapat eh bihis na rin kayong mag-asawa by that time kasi aabutan kayo ng traffic kapag 7:30 na kayo umalis ng bahay. Syempre ihahatid ka sa office ni mister kaya dapat mas maaga ka. Pagdating ng lunch time, iinit mo na lang sa microwave ang baon mo – kakain ka sa labas eh ang laking gastos kaya non? Pag breaktime hindi ka sa Starbucks magkakape kasi halos pambayad na sa gasul ng kalahating buwan ang isang order ng Frapuccino kaya manghihinayang ka kaya magtitimpla ka na lang ng instant coffee sa office pantry – masarap din naman, libre pa. Natural since madami kang load sa trabaho, wala kang time para mag-gym…maglakad na lang kayo ni mister sa loob ng mall para ma-exercise kayo. Pag uwi nyo ni Mister sigurado na namang magulo at makalat ang flat ninyo kasi nag wrestling na naman ang mga anak nyo or naglaro ng bahay-bahayan. Linis at ayos ka muna. Pulot dito ng laruan, ligpit ng kalat doon. Teka, magluluto ka pa pala ng hapunan nyo! Then maiisip mo, hindi pa gumagawa ng homework ang mga anak mo – anak ng… so I ga-guide nyong mag-asawa. Yung school project miski hindi marunong kailangan gawin mo. Pagka-kain nyong lahat wala nang oras – dapat matulog na kundi pag-napuyat kayo sigaradong hihikag-hikag ka sa office – eh may presentation ka pa naman na kailangang tapusin. Sige trabaho pa sa bahay… tapos bukas ganito na naman ulit. Eeeekkk!!!

Hindi ko carry…huwag muna siguro. Erase-erase… On hold na muna ang mga wedding plans. I’ll wait pa muna for my Prince Charming. In the meantime, Masaya pa ko sa pagiging single!

Ehem… calling All Single Ladies. This is Beyonsey, calling to all you poxy ladies out there… all the single ladies…all the single ladies….all the single ladies…now put your hands up!! Sayaw muna tayo.

 

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More Annie B Articles and Filipinisms  on Illustrado life.

 

Related Articles:
Kwentong OFW: Maalaala mo pa kaya Magpakailanman.

The Annie B. (Batobalani) Chronicles: “Krisis the Moment”.

 

 

 

 

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Author: IllustradoPGB

From the Middle East to the rest of the world, IllustradoLife shares the stories of Filipinos expats from around the world, providing a global venue championing the world class Filipino. IllustradoLife features articles on fashion and beauty, travel, lifestyle, business, events and other topics of interest to the international Filipino community from its mother publication, Illustrado Magazine.

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