By Aby Yap
‘Tis the season to be jolly and have a good sense of humor about the gifts which you’re about to receive from family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. The same ones you’ve been getting for the past 10 years and most likely what you’ll be getting for the next 10 decades or so, ho ho ho.
Coz admit it, friends. Christmas won’t be the same without receiving any of these presents (obviously NOT from your true love because s/he should know better than to piss you off) year after year. If it becomes quite a handful, though, remember that there’s always room for your unused-gifts-stored-somewhere-i-can’t-remember collection and/or someone you can give it to—recycle to protect your environment from dust and clutter.
List of 12 Christmas Gifts You are Bound to Receive
This comes in various sizes, colors, shapes, and designs that it may be a little hard to judge the mug/tumbler giver as MeMA aka Me Maibigay Lang. Especially if the mug/tumbler has “The World’s Most Gorgeous Boss <or insert other profession>” printed on it. Who are you to refute this claim, right?
- Picture Frame
The most popular gift for all seasons, it’s given every phase of your life—baptism, birthday, graduation, wedding, etc.—and each Kris Kringle you’ve participated in since kindergarten. And with the coming of the Selfie Era, you can never have too many picture frames to flash your duck face.
- Scented Candle
Maybe you light up their life. Maybe they want to light up yours. Or, maybe it’s the first pwede-na-iyan item they saw at the mall. Whatever the reason of the giver for offering you the scented candle is, you won’t ever know. But at least you’ll have something to use during brown-outs.
- Fruit Cake/Queso de Bola
The perfect present to complement your Noche Buena table, these two are only meant to be put on display for everyone to see. You’re not required to take even a tiny bite, so don’t worry. Once your guests show signs of hunger, that’s when you let them have the cake or cheese and eat it too.
- Handkerchief/Face Towel
With air pollution in the city getting worse than ever, there has never been a more suitable time to receive this piece of cloth for wiping dirt and sweat off your face. So, be sure to thank your Hanky/Towel Santa profusely as s/he has thought of making your daily commuting struggles more bearable.
Don’t roll your eyes. Everyone could still use a pen and/or a notepad even in this Internet age. It’s for your weekly grocery list, a reminder of your IOU (kautangan if you’d rather have it clear-cut), or an old-school way to play SOS/Tic-Tac-Toe with a friend while stuck in traffic for hours.
With several people overly excited about keychain-shopping and -giving any time of the year particularly when they go on trips, you end up having more key chains than keys. It’s a fact of life that suppliers of this gift don’t realize just yet. So before it gets too late, someone please file a bill that bans keychain-giving during Christmas.
Bath powder, bath salt, body wash, shower gel, hand sanitizer, and other weirdly named stuff you don’t even know how to use are coming into your bathroom soon! Prepare to get squeaky clean and sweetly scented this season as prettily wrapped toiletry sets are put on holiday sale for as low as P100.
It should be unbelievable, but there are actually some people who want you to think about the entire year ahead and set plans every single day. Now that’s what you call pressure—waaaaah!—particularly if you’re the live-in-the-moment type of personality. Quick, wrap the planner and pass the pressure, er, planner to someone else!
- Gift Certificate
Starbucks, Fully Booked, Sodexo, or any GC that lets you buy something that you like is most welcome. At least the giver has empowered you to decide for yourself what you’ll have for Christmas—even if it’s just choosing between Mocha Frappe and Iced Coffee. Plus, you get to have a free stamp!
Popularly known as The Dust Collector in the form of tiny figurines and furry stuffed toys, it’s probably the most unwanted present on the list no matter how cute it appears to be. Abubot forces you to tidy your bedroom or work station every day, or you’ll surely die sneezing from all that dust.
- Cellphone Load
There are only two reasons why someone would opt for pasa load as a present. Either s/he’s pathetically busy for some festive holiday shopping or s/he’s the reincarnation of Mr. Ebenezer “Bah! Humbug!” Scrooge. But if it’s a P300 load we’re talking here, aba pwede na ‘yan! It already makes for a Merry Christmas!